[Humor] Management Decisions

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K. Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an Auto Rickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died.

Yama was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death. He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.

Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment?

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or preconceived notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.

1. PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA" and does it correctly.
2. Advani is asked to spell "ENGLAND" and he too passes.
3. It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA".

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).

1. PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW ". He writes it easily and passes.
2. Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
3. Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GRRRRRR....." Tough one.

He fails again. Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.

1. PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence? ". He replied "1947" and passed.
2. Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?". He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 00,000 or 200,000 or 300,000. Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
3. It's Laloo's turn now. Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the independence struggle.

Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.


Moral of the story:

IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE.

Online Public Grievances Lodging and Monitioring System

Do u know that Government of India has a online Grievance forum at http://darpg-grievance.nic.in/?

The government desires people to use this tool to highlight the problems they faced while dealing with Government officials or departments like Passport Office, Electricity board, BSNL/MTNL, Railways etc.

I know many people will say that these things don't work in India, but this actually works as one person found out.
The guy I'm talking about lives in Faridabad (Faridabad is part of NCR and is in Haryana). Couple of months back, the Faridabad Municipal Corporation laid new roads in his area and the residents were very happy about it. But 2 weeks later, BSNL dugged up the newly laid roads to install new cables which annoyed all the residents including this guy. But it was this guy who used the grievance forum to highlight his concerns. And to his surprise, BSNL and Municipal Corporation of Faridabad were served a Show Cause Notice and the guy received a copy of the notice as well. All in one week. Government has asked the MC and BSNL about the goof up as it’s clear that both the government departments were not in sync at all.

So lets use grievance forum and educate others who don't know about this facility. This way we can at least raise our concerns instead of just talking about the 'System' in India.

Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Try to read this....very interesting.

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55% of plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

[RECEIVED IN AN EMAIL]

Investment in Stock Market

As I was a bit relaxed today, I decided to analyse my financial investments in Mutual Funds a bit deeper. As the stock market is making a very volatile trend, it also makes sense to check it regularly.
I am a member of valueresearchonline.com. It is oriented towards mutual funds in India and one can join it for free. It is an excellent source of research on mutual funds. For members, it offers a Portfolio Tracker as well as a Watchlist where one can track its choice of funds.
My portfolio consists of

• ABN AMRO Opportunities Fund
• Fidelity Equity Fund
• Franklin India Prima
• HDFC Taxsaver
• Magnum Contra
• Pru ICICI Taxplan
• Reliance Equity
• Reliance Growth
• Sundram Midcap Select

So, I have added all these funds in my watch list as well. Besides, it has following funds as well:

• HDFC Capital Builder
• HDFC Equity
• HDFC LT Advantage Fund
• HDFC Top 200
• Sundaram Growth

As I started comparing the returns of the funds over different period, I was amazed at the outcome. I compared for 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 3 months, 6 months and 1 year, and I found one winner in all the periods :). but ,alas, other funds have not performed so well in these periods, especially since the downfall of the market started

I Day Change


1 Week Change
1 Month change


3 months change
6 Months Change
I Year change

The story about an Employee, an Organization and Money

When the very affable, 32 year old Priyanka snapped at Suryanarayan, the HR head, when the young 23 year old Arjun put in his papers, when the 48 year old accountant Paresh was rushed to the hospital with a mild heart attack – all these events happening during the normal working day, Suryanarayan did not see a pattern.

Prima facie there seemed to be no pattern to the three separate incidents. However, there was a connection.

Priyanka was going through a tough divorce. The bum she married was at last leaving her. But he was unemployed, and the house belonged to him. She had a job, a kid, and no house. Her parents were partially dependant on her. She was getting no alimony, there was no balance in the bank, and she was a financial mess.

Arjun had committed himself to some EMIs hoping for a decent raise. He was now paying off an education loan, a car loan, a vacation loan and an occasional credit card spend. Seeing the pattern of the past 2 years, he ‘assumed’ his raise would be Rs. 4,000 per month. It turned out to be Rs. 1,700 per month. Arjun was devastated. His immediate reaction was to find a new job. He had no clue where, how or when that new job would happen. He had no option of going back to the nest. His parents had smartly shifted to a smaller house to a the boomerangs. They did not want the kids coming back and eating into their nest egg. Very un-Indian thought Arjun, but that was the rule. Arjun was a financial mess.

Paresh was a very meticulous man and had nicely saved a lot of money. It was in safe avenues – post office, PPF, voluntary PF, National Savings Certificates and so on. He had a decent house, handed down by his father, and was financially well off. Well sort of. His spouse and three children were a source of joy only for the first few years of their lives. They had made him an ATM (automated teller machine) and made impossible demands on him. His eldest son had flunked college, trained as a cameraman spending Paresh’s money, had got married, and was unemployable. Paresh used all his resources but his two sons, one daughter, wife and an ailing mother had sapped him. He was underinsured, severely stretched, had no medical insurance. Paresh was a financial disaster.

When Surya saw the cases in detail and when the common thread running through them struck him, he asked himself a classic HR question:

When does the company step into the personal financial lives of its people?

He had no clear answer.

On a Thursday evening, finding his CEO (Chief Executive Officer) in a good mood, Surya brought up the question of the company’s role in the financial lives of its people. The CEO told Surya “Remember Gaurav Shah, our operations guy who joined a BPO? Last week he died of a heart attack. He was all of 38.”

The CEO was very clear that personal financial learning, stress busting, yoga and things that the employee needed should come from the employee’s own time and cost. He went on to add “Surya, we hire good, smart, aggressive guys who can bring business. If they are so smart, let them take care of themselves”. Surya felt a little defeated.

He thought to himself, “If 99% of my staff here is working for money, and I am willing to teach them how to talk, how to hold a fork and spoon, which hair oil to use when in USA, then how come I am not teaching them money management?”

He had no idea. One on hand, the CEO was right. As an organization, we provide employees with a regular income. Our role ends there. How they choose to use that income is their calling. They ought to take up responsibility for prudent financial management. But on the other hand, the incidents left a dent in the company’s HR policy. After all, whatever the reasons, high employee turnover was not healthy.

But by now it was 9 pm. He had to head home. Another 1-hour journey. But as he hit the car he thanked himself for one good decision. He now had a driver.

He sat down in the back seat and chuckled at his designation. He also remembered what his CEO told him “Do not ask me whether I have a heart. I don’t know. Ask my shareholders. They are Americans. Their lives and their dollars are measured by quarters…Q1, Q2, Q3, Q4. They look not beyond the short term”

His eyes closed. Jagjit Singh poured out his heart on the 5 track CD player. Tomorrow was another day.

Article courtsey MoneyControl.com

Salary Negotiation

Salary negotiation is one of the most delicate parts of the whole job search process, and it is at this stage that many candidates inadvertently disqualify themselves. At some point in the interview process, you will be asked, "How much do you want?" What they are, in effect, asking you is, "What do you think you are WORTH?" Or, put another way, "Do you have delusions of grandeur (or no self-confidence), are you going to be impossible to control, or are you a total wimp that I can micro-manage into an early grave?"...

How to Spin a Pencil Around Your Thumb

Have you ever watched somebody in class or at the office skillfully twirl a pencil around his or her thumb and wondered how that person did it? Have you tried to do it on your own and found that it's not as easy as it looks? By following these steps and practicing - a lot - you can amaze curious onlookers with your brilliant pencil spinning, too!

Who Packed Your Parachute

Charles Plumb, a US Naval Academy graduate, was a jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb parachuted into safe hands. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience.
One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!"
"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.
"I packed your parachute," the man replied.
Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man grabbed his hand and said, "I guess it worked!"
Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today."
Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb kept wondering what the man might have looked like in a Navy uniform. He wondered how many times he might have seen him and not even said good morning, how are you or anything, because you see, he was a fighter pilot and the man was just a sailor. Plumb thought of the many hours that sailor had spent in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he did not know.

Now Plumb asks his audience, "Who is packing your parachute?" Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. Plumb also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down. As you go through your week, month, and even New Year, recognize the people who have packed your parachute and enabled you to get where you are today!

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason.

[Received in a n email]

The secret to becoming rich!

Came across this article on finacial independence on rediff.com. Reproducing here:
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Financial independence: what does this term mean? And how does one decide that one is financially independent?

To find the answer, I would refer you to the book -- Rich Dad Poor Dad, written by Robert T Kiyosaki. In the book, the authors mention that sources of money can be divided into four quadrants. One is employment, the second is entrepreneurial- or self-employment, the third is investments, and the fourth is business.

What one must know is that assets create income and liabilities deplete income. Hence, what is a liability for you such as a loan taken from a bank is income for the bank.

Paying interest through your nose is something that will bleed your finances. So no matter how attractive that home theatre bike or car, think less emotionally (right brain) and more rationally. Claim your own mind first and then venture out to purchase anything.

Remember that this world is full of people whose sole occupation is to make you open your purse or whip out that credit card. Okay, so all this makes the world go round, but let it be at someone else's cost!

You are financially independent when your lifestyle is sustained by passive income, that is income which comes to you automatically without you having to work in any way for earning it. How could this happen?

Let us take something like my pension from the State Bank of India. It was given to me when I retired from SBI and it will come to me month after month as long as I live. Or dividend that comes to me because I invested in some company's shares. Or interest from fixed deposits that is mine because the bank does the work to allow me to earn from the money that I invested with them.

The objective of saving money or investing it must be to build up adequate quantity of such income to become independent of working, for yourself or for somebody else. At the end of it all, you have to choose how you want to live your life.

Would you like to live like the stereotypical pensioner who appears to be perennially cribbing about prices going up and incomes not going up as fast, about how wants have increased and how there is never enough money, et cetera? Or would you like to maintain your lifestyle even after retirement?

This is a no-brainer. I am sure you would all like to be in the second category.

Secret of creating wealth and financial independence

There is only one way to create wealth and be financially independent. And that is to choose an asset over a liability.

Does that mean that you scrimp and save and deny yourself a decent lifestyle? No! Just take a conscious decision to keep aside a certain part of your gross every month, for life. This itself will give you great financial power.

During your early employment years, this can be a larger percentage and in the years to follow after marriage and children, this could be a lesser percentage. However, please try your best to ensure that this does not dip below 10 per cent of your gross.

Young people are now paid better than when I started out, but then they also have more avenues for spending money. The desire to spend is fuelled by glossy advertisements and the availability of a plethora of consumer goods and durables. The second is a misnomer! That TV that you purchased yesterday has been replaced by a better one that came in today and is 15% cheaper, too.

Luckily, thus far, Indians in general are a little more level-headed than others and this sometimes has manufacturers tearing their hair in frustration. We tend to keep consumer durables for longer periods and repair those that go out of order till it is impossible to do so or the cost of repair is almost the same as buying a new one.

Hence, difficult as it is, pay yourself first or in other words invest in your security and that of your family first. Sorry to repeat this message, but this has to become a part of your nature. Short-term gain can create long-term pain! Make a habit of saving some part of your income and creating security for yourself and your family.

Let 15 to 20% of your savings and assets be in life insurance. Even if you feel that apne na koi aage na koi peechhe (even if you do not have any responsibilities), put some money in life insurance as this will take care of future obligations and in any case will provide some money for a rainy day.

Further, the younger you are the less premium you pay. You are therefore building up security at a cheaper cost. If you are employed there is some compulsory saving element in the form of superannuation fund or provident fund.

Apart from this, start on a simple recurring deposit plan. Go get the best return. The post offices in India offer good rates of return, as does Public Provident Fund (PPF). Some disadvantage in these plans is low liquidity. However, this is desirable for creating a long-term asset that will grow anyway.

The thumb rule is to put only as much money in these that you can salt away without feeling the pinch! PPF has several advantages such as tax benefit and a decent rate of return. Further, the interest is compounded which -- as you will see in my later articles -- allows faster accumulation of capital. Put aside 10% of your savings in these instruments.

Create liquidity in the form of bank deposits and recurring deposits: ideally 25% of your savings every month. This leaves around 45% to 50% of your savings to invest in other assets.

For the rest of your savings, you can buy mutual funds, shares or anything else of choice. Choose something that allows you some liquidity and yet appreciates quicker than the more conservative investments. Be warned, however, that risk and return are positively correlated. Higher the risk, the higher the return. If you have time to watch the stock markets and track your portfolio, invest directly in shares of your choice.

However, if you do not have this luxury, choose a mutual fund with a good record and put your money in a systematic investment plan. This allows you to put aside a small sum of money, say Rs 1,000 or more a month and invest in the stock market indirectly. You have to pay a price for this in terms of fund management fee and so on.

However, this is an option for those who do not wish to get into the markets on their own. With demat accounts available everywhere and online trading through your bank account, it is possible to buy even one share of say Infosys or Reliance or SBI and so on.

Build a diverse portfolio of blue chips and put money in hot tips only to the extent you can afford to lose it all! If there is a windfall gain good for you!

To sum up:

• Financial independence means that your lifestyle is sustainable without any dependence on a job or any other work on your part.
• Assets create income and liabilities deplete income. Choose assets over liabilities as far as possible
• Invest 10% or more of your gross income to create financial independence for yourself. This has to be a triumph of mind over temptation!
• Of your savings, put 15 to 20% in life insurance, 10% in post office instruments or PPF, 25% in creating liquidity such as Recurring Deposits or Fixed Deposits and the rest in either mutual funds or shares. Prefer blue chips over 'hot tips' and if you have to put money in a hot tip share, ensure that you put only what you can afford to lose!

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Reference: Rediff.com

Results are out...

The results of my MBA exams (Group 1, Stage A) are finally out 1 month after the tests were conducted, and I have cleared both the Subjects and the Group :)

The two exams were conducted in Jan'05. Introduction to Management was conducted on Jan 8 while Business Communiaction was hold on Jan 15.

The minimun marks requiired to pass the exams are 45 in each subject. Further one has to score at least 55% to clear the group. However, if one scores 65% in one subject but fails to score 45% in second subject, he is required to re-appear for the subject in which he has scored less than 45% marks; otherwise he is required to repeat the Group.

The Time Thieves

I came across this article on MSN Spaces. Cannot resist reproducing the same here:
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You have 24 hours in every day, seven days a week for a total of 168 hours to accomplish what needs to be done in your life. And every day, eleven time thieves gang up on you and work to take some of that precious time away from productive use. Let me introduce you to this inconsiderate troupe.

• Poor planning. People don't plan to fail but a lot of people fail to plan. Without a plan of action set up before your day begins you are likely to get caught up in "stuff", responding the loudest voice that gets your time and attention. Will you have been productive for the day? Sure, but not as productive as you might have been.

• Crisis management. When a deadline sneaks up on you it robs you of all choice and you are controlled by the clock. Crisis management, for the most part, is poor time management because you're rushed and stressed, letting things slip through the cracks and often having to go back and redo what was not done well in the first place. Most of what puts you into crisis management is within your control, you could have seen it coming.

• Procrastination. All the planning in the world does not substitute for the doing. Many find that they just can't get going on the things that will make a big difference in their success. They have "permanent potential". First thing in your day, get going on the most difficult tasks and get them out of the way.
  
  
• Interruptions. Unanticipated events coming your way, in person or electronically, can steal your time away. Many interruptions are necessary and part of what you get paid for. However, most are unnecessary thieves of your time. Be less willing to automatically give away your time just because they demand it. Rather, determine whether or not they deserve it.
  
  
• Not delegating. "If you want a job done well you better do it yourself." What a thief! Look at everything you have to do and ask, "Is this the best use of my time?" If it is, do it. If not, delegate it. There's a world of difference between "I do it" and "It gets done." Leverage your time through others and don't allow the things that can be delegated to steal your time.
  

• Unnecessary meetings. If two or more people get together and nothing productive comes of the time spent together, that meeting was unnecessary and, sadly, most meetings are time thieves. Before meeting ask, "Is it really necessary?" If it is, then meet but take action as a result of the meeting and not let it be a time bandit.
  

• The "shuffling blues". Many people manage their time through piles. Piles of appear on their desk. Piles of "to be read" emails on their computer and lots of "to be heard" voicemails stored away. The piles require frequent review creating the shuffling blues which surrenders valuable time. Keep a clean work environment. When encountering something new, schedule it to your day planner under the day you plan to tackle it and then put it away so you are out of the shuffling blues.
  

• Poor physical setup. Not having the things you need the most often within arm's reach and having a lot of the things you rarely need close by causes you to waste a lot of time wearing out the carpet retrieving what you frequently need. And of course, as you pass others they will often pull you aside to steal some of your time. Have the most needed stuff near by, within arm's reach and save that stolen time.
  

• Poor networking. Quality relationships with others can be a huge time saver as they open doors for you with all kinds of opportunities. Failing to develop a good network base will cause you to waste time creating what you might have had through your network. Be a good networker. Help them whenever possible. You want a friend? You have to be a friend.
  
  
• Bad attitude. Nothing sinks a day more effectively than having a poor attitude. It causes you to dwell on the problems and not the solutions and makes it possible to throw the day away. When you are burdening others with your problems and complaints you are stealing your time and theirs. And the truth is that when you complain to others, 85% of them really don't care and the other 15% are actually glad it's happening to you.
  

• Negative people. Some people are the life of the party and some people are the death of the party. The problem with having negative people around you is you wind up spending a lot of your time listening to their complaints rather than focusing on your success.
  

Arrest each of these time thieves. Sentence them to solitary confinement and re-claim your productive time. You deserve it.
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Courtesy: http://spaces.msn.com/bihangchen/Blog/cns!66BD48FA17129A0D!180/

Deserve before You Desire

While checking mails in one of the not-so-used email account, I came acorss this interesting email.

"The grass isn't always greener on the other side!! Move from one job to another, but only for the right reasons.
It's yet another day at office. As I logged on to the marketing and advertising sites for the latest updates, as usual, I found the headlines dominated by who's moving from one company to another after a short stint, and I wondered, why are so many people leaving one job for another? Is it passé now to work with just one company for a sufficiently long period?

Whenever I ask this question to people who leave a company, the answers I get are: "Oh, I am getting a 200% hike in salary"; "Well I am jumping three levels in my designation"; "Well they are going to send me abroad in six months".

Then, I look around at all the people who are considered successful today and who have reached the top - be it a media agency, an advertising agency or a company. I find that most of these people are the ones who stuck to the company, ground their heels and worked their way to the top. And, as I look around for people who change their jobs constantly, I find they have stagnated at some level, in obscurity.

In this absolute ruthless, dynamic and competitive environment, there are still no short-cuts to success or to making money. The only thing that continues to pay, as earlier is loyalty and hard work. Yes, it pays! Sometimes, immediately, sometimes after a lot of time. But, it does pay. Does this mean that one should stick to an organization and wait for the golden moment? Of course not. After, a long stint, there always comes a time for moving in most organisations, but it is important to move for the right reasons, rather than the superficial ones, like money, designation or oversees trip.

Remember, no company recruits for charity. More often than not, when you are offered an unseemly hike in salary or designation that is disproportionate to what the company offers it current employees, there is always an unseemly bait attached. The result? You will, in the long term have reached the same level or may be lower levels than what you would have in your current company.

A lot of people leave their organisations because they are 'unhappy'. What is this so called unhappiness? I have been working for donkey years and there has never been a day when I am not unhappy about something in my work environment - boss, rude colleagues, fussy clients etc.

Unhappiness in a work place, to a large extent, is transient. If you look hard enough, there is always something to be unhappy about. But, more importantly, do I come to work to be "happy" in the truest sense? If I think hard, the answer is "No". Happiness is something you find with family, friends, may be a close circle of colleagues who have become friends. What you come to work for is to earn, build a reputation,satisfy your ambitions, be appreciated for your work ethics, face challenges and get the job done.

So, the next time you are tempered to move on, ask yourself why are you moving and what are you moving into?

Some questions are:

Am I ready and capable of handling the new responsibility? If yes, what could be the possible reasons my current company has not offered me the same responsibility?

Who are the people who currently handle this responsibility in the current and new company? Am I good as the best among them?

As the new job offer has a different profile, why have I not given the current company the option to offer me this profile?

Why is the new company offering the new job? Do they want me for my skills, or is that ulterior motive?

An honest answer to these will eventually decide where you go in your career - to the top of the pile in the long term (at the cost of short - term blips) or to become another average employee who gets lost with the time in wilderness?

"DESERVE BEFORE YOU DESIRE" "

ICFAI MBA Group I Exams

Today I appeared for my second subject(Business Communication) of Group I for MBA program. (The first exam was conducted on last Sunday for Introduction to Management). I love to call this subject as Biz Comm. The subject is very interesting and carries a lot-of-weightage as far as corporate world is concerned. Even in our day2day life, we follow so many communication patterns. The whole point of having this subject is to understand that more we have control on the way we communicate in our professional life (with our bosses, peers, subordinates...) or in personal space, more are the chances of a successful partnership.
The exam was not tough. Multiple choices are provided and one has to choose from them. I hope to clear the exam. Results should be out soon.
Anybody with his experience of ICFAI MBA exam?